Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
