I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
