I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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