I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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