his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
