Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
