R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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