So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.