so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.