i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
