Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
