help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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