thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.