So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage