She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
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walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
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She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream