ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
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Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
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I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."