Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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