Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho