Say something about gay babies.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
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The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios