No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
