i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
