I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Randomize
