You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
