Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
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and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
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Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
false alarm, still single
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