Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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