If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
