I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
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Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
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We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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