when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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