Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
