The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
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He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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