I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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