I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
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