do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
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I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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