I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
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You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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