i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
