Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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