Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
