Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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