I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
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Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
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if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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