Your face is a jimmy john
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this just has baby written all over it
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize