Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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