and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize