I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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