Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
