I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
