i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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