its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
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I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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