i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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