What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Randomize