he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
