i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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