Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize