imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
