i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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