When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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